Philosophy is good for everyone. It’s the dosage that’s important to consider. For some, an inoculation of three or four courses at the university level is sufficient to provide antibodies against such pathogens as: specious arguments; fundamentalist propaganda of all sorts -- religious, political, moral, etc.; simplistic and/or moronic views of what constitutes a good human life (e.g., that which arises from taking Paris Hilton* as Aristotle’s practically wise person); an excessively narrow or workman-like conception of the role of education; and countable other idiopathic idiocies.
If the four-course inoculation-dosage is administered in the context of a Jesuit education, additional salubrious protections accrue. Those completing the treatment (cf. Ludwig Wittgenstein) will likely also avoid: grave errors in practical reasoning -- those that depend, for example, on the premise that the edge of the light cone occupied by the patient constitutes the center of the universe; belief that unrestricted profit-maximization is i) natural and evolutionarily advantageous, ii) morally superior to sharing and caring, iii) a principle apparently un-learnable by poor people; the moral paralysis induced by anxiety in the face of the realization of death’s certainty.
Side-effects of the four-course dosage are typically mild and short-lived and can be counteracted by sufficient concurrent dosages of other liberal arts courses – or, more effectively, by taking a lot of higher math or physics courses which can quickly re-establish humility. Side effects include: insufferable self-importance; insufferable pugnacity; insufferable insufferability. (Contact your doctor or priest if you experience self-importance lasting longer than 30 years after your first exposure to philosophy, as you may have a rare but dangerous condition called “pratism.”)
For some, the four-course inoculation functions only as a contagion vector. For these individuals, the “Majors,” the full 12-course treatment is recommended. The extended exposure is a broad-spectrum application on the patented “5 x 5 Matrix Treatment Model©” -- five historical periods X five topic areas: Ancient, Medieval, Modern, Contemporary, Current -- X -- Values, Politics, Metaphysics, Epistemology, Logic. (Courses of treatment may vary in terms of how these matrices are constructed.) Incredible results are guaranteed! Real-life former users say: “I took the patented “5 x 5 Treatment©” for four years, and I just couldn’t believe the results! I scored higher than everyone except my roommate (who majored in Econ) on the GRE, and my LSAT scores were through the roof! I’d recommend the “5 x 5©” to anyone.” (Results not typical.) Enhance your Broca’s area; elongate your medulla oblongata! (The FDA has not yet approved this treatment, though it has been legal in
Upon completion of the “5 x 5© Treatment” you will have inter alia, in addition to acquiring the four-course-inoculation-antibodies: derived an ought from an is; acquired the capacity to differentiate Euler circles from Venn diagrams just by looking; explained what Aristotle means when he says the polis exists by nature and is created by human reason; figured out what’s so great about the Mona Lisa; shown that it’s not “really” irrational to cross a pareto-frontier; provided a countable-domain model for every model-able theory; determined whether or not Soren Kierkegaard was gay; proved conclusively that: either God exists or God does not exist, and much, much more!
Consult your nearest professional to determine how much philosophy is right for you!
* In apologizing for her most recent bad behavior and promising better things for the future,
